The Four Wings of Personal Growth Lessons on self-love, self-awareness, self-care and self-empowerment

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Transforming Our Wants Into Abundance


Yesterday I was working on a webinar I will be offering in August, and I was reflecting on the word Want. 


I think this word sometimes has negative connotations for women. It's a word that can make us feel uncomfortable. 


Maybe we were told that we should strive to have our needs met, and that wants are frivolous luxuries. And yet many times are needs are even set aside as we play out our roles as caregivers and nurturers.

Maybe we were made to feel selfish for having wants. A scarcity versus an abundance mindset also dramatically influences our beliefs around our wants or desires.


Others might have, intentionally or not, encouraged us to focus on their wants and needs at the expense of our own. 


We certainly live in a world that gives us a myriad of messages about what we should want.  

  • A certain kind of body.
  • A certain kind of romance
  • A particular type of lifestyle


And yes, there is some flexibility in all of this. We, as a society, are becoming more and more open to individual differences.  

But the influences remain. And if we are not careful and aware of these, we begin to integrate other people's ideas of who we should be or what we should want into our lives. And as we do, we bury a part of ourselves, our True Self.


Identifying are wants, and taking responsibility for them is one of the most empowering things we can do. 


I'm reminded of the song by the Rolling Stones.


No, you can't always get what you want.

You can't always get what you want.

You can't always get what you want.

But if you try, sometimes you find

You get what you need.


Mick Jagger is right; you can't always get what you want.

But I believe that as women, we too often dismiss our wants.  


You can't always get what you want, true. But if you don't know what you want and you never try reaching for your dreams and aspirations out of ignorance, well, you'll never get what you want. 


You see wants, in my opinion, are the next step on the path to self-realization. We all have needs, and those needs are very similar. 


Maslow identified these needs according to three categories. The two most basic needs are physiological, and safety needs. These are similar to all of us; they are essential to our physical survival. Not having these needs met puts us at significant risk.  


Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Then we move towards Esteem Needs and Self-actualization. These categories of needs are were are individuality, and True Self resides. If we want to fulfill these two categories of needs, we must, in my opinion, identify our wants. 


And how do we do this?


We ask ourselves and reflect on some fundamental questions such as:


  1. Who am I?
  2. Who do I want to be?
  3. What are my core values?
  4. What are my passions?
  5. What legacy do I want to leave?
  6. What meaning do I assign to life?


As you reflect on these questions, your wants should begin to unveil themselves. You will gain clarity on where you are today and where you want to be tomorrow. You will start to create a vision for yourself, and from that vision will emerge your deepest desires. Do not be intimidated or overwhelmed by these. Working towards wants aligning with our True Self is an empowering and inspiring journey.  


Our wants, in the end, are where our wildest and most delicious dreams reside. They bring meaning and enthusiasm into our lives as we make a conscious decision to honor them. And when we take the next step and take full responsibility for turning those wants into abundance, magical things begin to happen.


Create an awesome day!

Joanne💗


Sunday, June 28, 2020

Not Achieving Your Goals? Stop Blaming Your Circumstances or Other People!


How did the title of this blog make you feel? Angy? Frustrated?

Annoyed? 

Or did you feel empowered?  


Congratulations if it was the latter. You are well on your way to success.

The truth is, not a single person, circumstance, event, or situation is responsible for YOU, not achieving your goals.


What is? What you think and believe about all of these things. Yup, it is as simple as that. And there are no exceptions. Nothing short of death can stop you from achieving your goals! Bold statement? Try living your life believing it and see what happens?


Successful people do not let outside circumstances or people dictate whether they get what they want or not. This fact has been shown over and over by rags to riches stories. In a quick google search, I found the following examples: J.K Rowling, Oprah Winfrey, Shania Twain, Howard Schultz (founder of Starbucks), and Ralph Lauren.  


Now you might be thinking: 


  • Right, these people got lucky. 
  • They were in the right place at the right time.  
  • Someone gave them a lucky break. 
  • The stars aligned for them.  
  • That won't happen to me.  


Any of the above individuals would probably agree that they did get a lucky break or two along the way. But they would also tell you that to get a lucky break you have to believe in them for yourself. And You have to create the circumstances for the universe to gift you with that lucky break. You create those circumstances by not letting any outside person or situation slow you down or stop you from working towards that goal or dream that is yours.


How do you not let any outside circumstance or person stop you? Well, it is not by changing them—change YOU. 


Please understand, I am by no means asking you to change who you are.

Please don't; You are fabulous!.  


Don't change YOU - Change what YOU believe!


If you believe you don't have enough time - Change that belief!

If you believe you don't have enough resources - Change that belief!

If you believe you are not strong enough - Change that belief!

If you believe you are not smart enough - Change that belief!

If you believe your spouse is getting in your way - Change that belief!

If you believe your parents are getting in your way - Change that belief!


If you change your limiting beliefs, nothing will stand in the way of you reaching your goals and dreams. This is not to say that there will not be obstacles and challenges along the way. But by creating the right mindset, you will give yourself the power to overcome these. 


How do you begin the process of changing your limiting beliefs?


Here are a few ideas to get you started.


  • Work with a coach. A well-trained coach can help you identify your limiting beliefs and offer strategies for changing them.
  • Learn about how your mind and brain work. Below is a list of resources to get you started. 


The Motivation ManifestoBrendon Burchard

Mindset-The New Psychology of SuccessCarol S. Dweck, Ph.D

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective PeopleStephen R. Covey

Excuses Begone!Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Working with Emotional IntelligenceDaniel Goleman

Change Your Questions-Change Your Life, Mariele Adams, Ph.D


I highly recommend any of these books. They have been very instrumental in allowing me to reach my own goals.


If you have any questions or would like more information on this subject, don't hesitate to reach out at


joanne@damselflytransformations.com.


Create an awesome day!

Joanne








Sunday, June 21, 2020

Creating Meaning Through the Pain and Challenges of a Breakup



There is no doubt that the end of a marriage or a long term relationship is a complicated and often heart-wrenching experience. How you decide to view this experience can support or sabotage your ability to overcome the challenges you will face in the process. One of the first steps you want to take is to explore your current thoughts and beliefs about what you are going through and alter any perceptions that could ultimately stand in your way.  


Now some claim that experiences in and of themselves have no meaning. They are neither good nor bad. We ultimately are the ones who choose what meaning we will decide to give to our experiences. Victor Frankl, the author of Man's Search for Meaning, proposed that we have the freedom to choose our attitude and our way in all circumstances.  


Cultivating this way of thinking will not eliminate the pain or suffering from your breakup or the end of your marriage. But, it will give you the courage, strength, and resilience to overcome the challenges you will face on your journey.  


That's all great in theory, you say, but how do I do this? How do I turn all this fear, confusion, and despair into something even remotely positive? You might also be thinking that this is a ridiculous pie in the sky idea reserved for those who choose to wear only rose-colored glasses. Nothing could be further from the truth, my friend. Many great men and women have encouraged us to view our lives from this perspective. 


Elizabeth Gilbert

"You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control."


Stephen Hawkins

"The meaning of life is not out there but between our ears. In many ways, this makes us the lords of creation."


Joseph Campbell

"Each of us has meaning, and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question [what is the meaning of life] when you are the answer."


Maya Angelou

"Life is Pure Adventure, and the sooner we realize that the quicker we will be able to treat life as Art."  


What is this Art of which poet and writer Maya Angelou speaks?  


It is the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination. 


What more beautiful and magnificent way is there to express ourselves but by giving powerful meaning to all experiences of our lives and creating something beautiful out of what seems ugly and hopeless?


Now you probably don't remember this because we forget mostly everything about the day we were born. 


But on your "Birthday," the universe gave you a beautiful, shiny gold box with a huge silver bow. You were so excited to be born and to be receiving your very first birthday present. You impatiently untied the bow, and as you did, a voice spoke to you. The voice (presumably from the universe) revealed that you were to open the box once a day. Every day, wonderous new information and experiences would be disclosed to you. The voice also informed you of your incredible ability to be the artist and creator of your own life. It reminded you that all of the gifts contained in the box were pieces of a masterpiece. Each piece held it's own value and could be part of this masterpiece. It was up to you to put all the pieces together to create an incredible life and legacy. 


So there it is. Life presents you with an assortment of experiences. The universe has provided you with the mind and the creativity to choose what you will create with these experiences.  


So what will you decide to do with today's experience? This ending of something you thought would last forever? The pain of losing something or someone, dear? The confusion of not knowing what to do next? 


Here are some questions you can ask yourself to examine your current beliefs about your present reality and, if necessary, begin to transform them into creative and empowering ones.  


You can decide what meaning you will give to what you are going through right now!!


  1. If you were watching a movie starring your favorite actress and she was going through your exact situation. How would you like her to behave and respond to her challenges? How would you know the director had written a happy ending to the movie? What would your heroine be doing, saying, and thinking to move towards this happy ending?
  2. In what ways do you feel this situation is happening TO you? When you write down this list, how does it make you feel?
  3. In what ways could you reframe this list from the perspective of things happening FOR you?
    1. I could never depend on my ex, and that is why I find myself in this position. 
      1. My ex is one of my most important teachers. There are lessons and insights hidden within this relationship that will allow me to grow into my best self. 
    2. I cannot handle all the responsibilities of running a home by myself. This should not be happening to me!
      1. This is all happening for a reason. I will learn, and I will grow. I will take baby steps and learn that I can be independent and take care of myself and my children. 
    3. Everyone is judging me! No one is supportive. If I had the support, I needed I could get through this. But I don't have that support, so no wonder I'm such a mess.  
      1. I Am a mess right now, and that's ok. I will get through this, and I will find people to support me. I am learning to respect myself and surround myself with friends and family who will do the same. 
  4. How can this experience help you in modeling and teaching valuable lessons and values to your children or other significant people in your life?
  5. How can this experience allow you to become a better person? What skills, qualities, insights, and wisdom might you acquire?


The above is a small list of questions to get you started. I recommend that you continue to reflect on what creating meaning in your life looks like to you. Think of your strengths, hopes, and dreams and imagine how you can pull valuable lessons from your situation to move towards your aspirations. 


For more information and support in this process, feel free to reach out to me @


joanne@damselflytransformations.com.


Or schedule a free 60-minute consultation to gain some insight into how you can begin this process in your own life. 


https://go.oncehub.com/JoanneShank


Create an awesome day!


Joanne 💗