The Four Wings of Personal Growth Lessons on self-love, self-awareness, self-care and self-empowerment

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Day 71 - Yes I'm crazy....and???

So...I have been working on my talk for July and I have been trying to get in as much practice as I possibly can.  One of the things I love doing is walking first thing in the morning and it just happens that mornings are my most productive, creative times of the day.  So, for the past few days, I had been debating practicing my talk while walking.  You can see were this is going right. Awkward!! 
"Crazy Barrie woman, walking around town, talking to herself!"
Well, you know what?  This morning I decided, I don't care....I feel like practicing my talk while taking my morning walk and that is exactly what I am going to do.  So what if people see me talking to myself as a walk by their house.  And people did.  It was kinda funny.  At one point, I looked up and some woman was staring at me with this weird look on her face.  I just laughed and kept on going.  What exactly is the problem with talking to ourselves anyway.  Come on, admit it!  You do it all the time right?  We just normally avoid doing it in front of other people. 
So, if you see me walking around Barrie talking to worries.
One, I'm just giving everyone the permission to follow their natural urge to talk to themselves when they want to.
And two, I'm not crazy, I'm productive and creative!
That's my story...and I'm sticking to it.
Create an awesome day!

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Day 64 - Self-talk

This week, on my facebook page, I have been exploring the concept of self-love. 
One of the four key aspects of my Damselfly Coaching Model.
Self-love isn't a luxury and it is far from self-indulgent.
It is 100% essential if we are to move forward, face challenges and live our very best life.
But, how do we love ourselves? What does that even mean?
Well, first of all, it's important to remember that love is a verb, not a noun. 
It's an action, not a feeling. 
So, self-love is first and for most about how we behave towards ourselves.

How do you talk to yourself?
What kind of words do you use to describe yourself?
Are you kind and gentle or mean and judgmental?
When was the last time you thought about your self-talk?
Are you more cautious of the tone and words you use towards others than towards yourself?

Self-talk can be an act of self-love or an act of self-betrayal. 

According to research we have anywhere between 50 000 and 80 000 thoughts a day and 80% of those thoughts are negative.  Have you ever taken the time to notice how many of those negative thoughts are related to what you think and feel about yourself? Now trying to notice every single thought we have is obviously impossible and I am certainly not suggesting you try.  But I am inviting you to become a little bit more aware of which of your thoughts support self-love and which don't.
How does that relate to self-talk? Self-talk includes anything and everything we say to ourselves throughout the day.  Sometimes we might say these things out loud but more often then not, they  come up as a thoughts.  Often, we are not even aware that these thoughts are present even though they may be impacting both our mood and behaviour.
So how can we become more aware of our self-talk and get a sense of what messages we our giving ourselves on a daily basis.
For example, what do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror every morning?
"I am looking fine today!" or "Crap, look at those ugly bags under my eyes!"
Can you guess which of these is loving and which is not?  Now, for those of you who are saying, I don't think anything when I look in the mirror, well, dig a little deeper my friend.  Chances are you are thinking something.  If you are thinking about the weather fine, no worries, but make sure there are no lingering negative thoughts going on deep down in your unconscious.  These thoughts play on your self-esteem and your ability to be the empowered woman you are meant to be. So make sure they are not sneaking in there without your permission.
Here are some strategies to support you in developing your self-awareness around your self-talk:

  • Journal about a particular event that might have brought up strong feelings and emotions during the day.
  • Notice strong emotions and feelings that come up and try uncovering what thoughts preceded these emotions. 
  • Slow down and be present.  
  • Meditate.
  • Spend time in a relaxed environment on a regular basis.
  • Get curious about what thoughts are coming up when you are:
    • doing the dishes
    • driving
    • taking a shower
    • sweeping the floor
    • taking a walk
  • Basically, use any opportunity you have to examine and get curious about your self-talk.  The more you practice doing this, the better you will get at it.  
When you start noticing that your self-talk is not so positive and empowering, you can change it. 
Talk to yourself as you would someone whom you truly love and care about.  Someone you want to support and encourage, like your child or your best friend.  
At the end of the day, loving yourself is your responsibility my friend.
Create an awesome day!

Sunday, June 16, 2019

Day 57 - Self love

What happens when you put a little time and attention into learning to love yourself.
Self-love should not be something you attend to after everything else gets done.
It is essential to your physical health, the health of your relationships, your ability to give to others and your overall sense of well being.
If you are not convinced that this is an area worth focusing on, here are some ways developing self-love will and can improve your life.
When you work on loving yourself...
💗You take better physical care of yourself because you respect the fact that your body is the only one you have and that it is there to support you in creating your very best life.
💗You develop increased self-confidence because you tap into your strengths and consistently remind yourself that you are someone worthy of joy and peace.
💗You establish boundaries with those around you that allow you to say no to what doesn't feel right and yes to more of what aligns with who you are.
💗You maintain relationships with people who respect you and motivate you to be the best you can be.
💗You learn to forgive because you are not interested in hanging on to negative energy and resentment.
💗You believe you deserve the best and hold yourself accountable for creating the best life for yourself.
💗You possess a strong sense of who you are.  Your identity comes from a place of deep self-awareness, authenticity and truth.  Other's opinion of you are no longer relevant.
💗You develop resilience.  You do not beat yourself up over failure.  Far from taking them personally, you embrace mistakes and transform them into opportunities for growth and learning.
💗You understand that comparing yourself to others is an act of self-betrayal.
💗You respect your needs and know that you are the best person for getting them met.
💗You stop being an approval junky.
💗You love spending time alone cause you know how awesome you are!!
Create an awesome day!

Sunday, June 9, 2019

Day 50 - The Power of Music

I have been having a heck of a time getting back to my habit of walking everyday.  It has definitely been one of my biggest challenges in the past few years.  But anyone who knows me knows that I don't give up...I'm nothing if not stubborn when it comes to getting what I want.  And I want exercise to become an everyday part of my life.                                                                                          But....apparently some part of me is in serious disagreement with this idea!!!😩
So, on a constant quest to work through this challenge, today, I decided that rebuilding my walking playlist might me just the thing I needed to reboot my motivation.  Most of the songs were old songs from my past and they just felt like....well old songs from my past and were just not doing it for me anymore.
So first thing this morning I did some digging on good old google and managed to come up with a new, one and a half hour playlist, filled with inspiring, confidence boosting, yes I can do this music!!!....
And actually made a difference!!! 😲😃 
I too often forget how awesome music can make me feel.  Starting out the day listening to an inspiring playlist can literally improve my mood for the entire day.  And if my mood is improved,  I tend to make better choices, have more energy and be nicer to the people around me (you're welcome!).
And that was my AH!AH! moment today.💖💖
So I thought I would share a few of the songs that inspired me this morning.  I invite you to grab your coffee and really take the time to sit back and connect with the songs.
I promise at least one of them will change your day!
Create an awesome day!

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Day 43 - Personal leadership

This past week my facebook posts have been on the topic of personal leadership.  I first started reflecting on the notion of leadership in my late twenties.  I believe I had been reading Principle-Centered Leadership by Stephen Covey.   It became clear to me at that time that leadership wasn't necessarily about a position or formal role one held, but was fundamentally a state of mind or philosophy of life.  It's recognizing that our actions, words and behaviours influence others.  It's about integrity.   Which means walking the talk.  If I believe love, peace and compassion are important values I should model those values.  It comes down to leading by example, no matter what your roles or position in life.  We often hold politicians or people in formal leadership roles accountable for their behaviour but we should know that our behaviour is no less important then theirs.  We all have a circle of influence, that is were our leadership lies.  I use this quote by Gandhi often when I write or give workshops because I find it so relevant, especially in relation to the concept of leadership "Be the change you want to see in the world."
Then, there is the type of leadership that holds us accountable for our experience on this planet.  It's the conviction that our life is a reflection of our own beliefs, our own thoughts and our own behaviours.  Yes, there are many things that "happen" to us that are out of our control, but personal leadership means clearly identifying the areas that are in our control and committing to taking responsibility for those areas.  We don't waste our time complaining about people and things that are none of our business because we are way to busy playing and creating within a strong and clear internal locus of control.
When we decide to exert leadership in our own lives we :

  • Take full responsibility for our emotions and do whatever we need to do to take care of ourselves.
  • Take full responsibility for our actions.
  • Become curious about all our experiences and use them as opportunities to learn about ourselves and grow.
  • Understand our limits, realize and recognize what is out of our control and then identify what is, in order to move forward.
  • Never play the victim and expect other people or outside circumstances to change in order to suit our needs. 
  • Set boundaries and clearly communicate our needs to others.  
  • Feel empowered to create the very best life for ourselves because we know we can!!!
Create an awesome day!