Of course, some of us are better at setting boundaries then others but most of us have some areas that need some attention.
I became pretty good at setting boundaries at work. Sometime in my 30's, I identified my priorities and was able to say no to things that were not important to me, and yes to things that were. (most of the time 😝) Learning to do that was a process. I think my upbringing and my personality made it easier to accomplish setting boundaries at work. But, doing the same in my personal relationships, that was a bit trickier and still is a work in progress.
For a long time, I did a lot of what I thought other people wanted from me and then resented the hell out of it. So I can tell you with certainty that, if you find yourself doing things and then bitching to your spouse, or friends or even to yourself, after the fact, You have boundary issues.
Learning to set boundaries, is by no means a one step deal. Like every other area of personal growth, it involves a process of self-discovery, courage, action and commitment. But if you are at all interested in creating the life you want and the one that is absolutely yours to have, it's an essential step. And well worth it!!
Here are a few strategies to support you on your journey towards setting boundaries:
In what specific areas in you life do you feel a need to set more boundaries?
This is different for everyone. Take the time to journal and reflect on this question? Check out my facebook page for some journaling prompts to support you in doing this.
Know what is important to YOU!
Were do You want to be spending your time?
What's important to You....Your time? Your freedom? Your relationships? Your Health?
Does what you spend your time on at work or at home reflect your values or someone else's?
How could you change that?
💗You can't set boundaries if you have no clear understanding of your own priorities.
If you are not sure, give yourself time to think about it!
If you are in the habit of often saying yes to things and then regretting it, start by developing the habit of saying "Let me think about it and get back to you." One, this helps you break the habit and two, it gives you time to properly assess whether saying yes really aligns with your priorities.
Avoid saying yes when...
You are stressed, tired or sick.
When you would be dealing with something that is not your responsibility.
When saying yes, makes you feel used or not quite right. (listen to your gut) Better to say no and reassess, then to betray yourself.
Believe you have a right to communicate your wants and needs and learn to do this in an assertive, direct, non confrontational manner.
This might require a bit of work. First of all, you have to know that you are deserving of what you want and need. This might necessitate a bit of work in the self-love and self-worth department. Then you have to develop the skills that will allow you to communicate your needs effectively. Might sound like a daunting process, but absolutely doable!!
💗These are but a few starting points. If you are interested in exploring, with the support of a coach, how you can better learn to set boundaries in your life, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Create an awesome day!